What’s so hard in letting go?

A friend asked me a while ago…..”Bakit hindi ka pa din makapag-move on? Does that mean you still love that someone who changed every single thing there is in your life?”

Honestly, napaisip ako…Bakit nga ba?

Para ito dun sa mga taong pinipilit ibaon sa limot ang past…

Bakit kaya after so many years of being left behind, we’re still longing for that someone? Bakit kaya kahit iba na iyong buhay natin, we’re still trapped in those bittersweet memories, those moments which we wished to have lasted forever, those days which we never wanted to end?

Ang lungkot ng buhay…after giving up so much of ourselves to that someone, after loving that person so unconditionally, tayo pa iyong naiiwang umiiyak, nasasaktan…and then, keeping on asking ourselves, “what happened? what have i done wrong?”

Di ba ang hirap sagutin nung mga what if ’s at could have’s natin? Kasi kahit tayo hindi natin alam kung bakit ba tayo nandito sa misery na kinalalagyan natin eh… Ang alam lang natin, ang hirap hirap tanggapin na tayo na nga iyong nagmahal ng totoo, tayo pa iyong nawalan. So in the end, ganito tayo, malungkot, always feeling alone, devastated, helpless… Ang hirap mag-pretend but we still do. We even make ourselves believe in so many things which we know are just so untrue…just to feel a little better.

Just as what’s said on one of my fave songs, when will this river of tears stop falling? Kung ako ang sasagot, hindi ko din alam…I know i am supposed to be over this, i know i’m not even supposed to be writing this piece anymore…because i have a life i’m supposed to live..but then, iyon nga iyong same reason why i’m writing this eh…

i still can’t get over everything. The pain, the tears, the memories, everything that should have faded with time….everything’s still living here in this ever broken heart….